in which a number of disjointed threads actually come together by the end (I hope)

across the street from the Bernal Martha's is a Catholic church. in the front of the church yard stands a statue of a saint. in front of this statue, for the past six months, Hazel will stand and squeal, "nana. nana! NANA!!!"

for the longest time we didn't know why, but it was a great party trick so we encouraged it. later we broke the code to some degree when she called Juniper's Tiana doll "nana" too, though we still couldn't surmise the exact entomology of how she distinguishes princess, saint, statue.

Sunday night we went to see The Nutcracker with the girls. literally on the edge of her seat, Juniper would burst out clapping at various moments in the middle of the dances because she was so excited. it crossed my mind to hope she didn't have enough awareness to be embarrassed about her "mistake."

Hazel bounced on our laps, entranced by the ballerinas. raising her arms to the sky, she danced in her chair. then with great ebullience, pointing to the stage, she shouted, "nana!"

gotta love those neural pathways.

later that night Sean, Jeff, and Rachel and I saw Iron and Wine at the Fox in Oakland. I used to love seeing Iron and Wine live. in fact, I loved it so much that once when Brian and I were in Portland for a week I bought us a pair of plane tickets to fly back to SF for one night to see an Iron and Wine show (although possibly seeing my boyfriend had something to do with it). Iron and Wine has changed a lot in the last few years, but somehow I still really enjoy seeing them play even if their stuff is not completely my thing anymore. the nostalgia gets me through.

seeing live music with friends was, for a period of time, my absolute favorite thing. of course it's a little different now--I was late after getting Hazel nursed and to bed, Jeff had to get away for a few hours in the middle of caring for a newborn, Sean was about to leave for a business trip the next day now that he's running the show at his job, and Rachel was free this weekend but might not be any other particular time as she finishes her dissertation and hits the job market hard--but it is still such a powerful feeling of presence to be in that room together.

figuring out where to stand for the show was a bit tricky since we had friends of all heights, but we eventually found a spot that wasn't too far away but where we could see most of the time. I admitted to being too wimpy to push through to the very front after the show had already started, but when it was time for the encore we four intrepid travelers headed down to just in front of the stage with the crowd of 20-somethings. it was just one song, but it was perfect.

all night I'd been wondering when this period of mid-life--this process of mourning the way things aren't how they used to be--would be over, but it wasn't until the encore that I realized it already was.